He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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