so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
