I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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