im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
