Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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