I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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