It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
