My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
