don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
