the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
