All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
