the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
