new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
