we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
