He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
