I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
