when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
