he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize