i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
