I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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