i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
