TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
