Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
and you fell through a lawn chair
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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