i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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