i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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