I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
