I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
