Plan B is the new Plan A
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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