i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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