You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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