Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
