I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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