I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
