And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
