4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
