I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
