I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
