I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
