new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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