Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
