I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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