apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
