Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
