Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
