i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
