At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
