i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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