I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize