why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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