Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
