Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish i was in the wii world.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
