fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
