...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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