it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
