Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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