there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
