there was a trapeze. enough said
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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