i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
