he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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