You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
