I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
