I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I will be naked everywhere
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
