omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
