I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
