I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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