Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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