he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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