EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
