Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
