so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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