I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
