so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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