My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
