The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize