i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
