I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
