I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
