they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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