The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
