Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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