"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
