4 words: hood of his car
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
