He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
