garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is my gift to your gina
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
