don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
