no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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