a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
